SOMETHING TO HOLD

This is a sample from the collection of short stories, SOMETHING TO HOLD, which is available now.

WHITE SKY NIGHT

It was a white sky night. I remember because I was in DeRon’s bed. His bed’s under the window and I was staring at the sky. DeRon said the streetlights make the sky white and I ain’t never gonna see no star. But I was tryin’ anyway. I want to be an astronaut when I grow up, but I never seen a real, live star out my window.

The couch creaked when daddy got up to get his phone. I listened, but daddy didn’t say nothin’. Then I heard his boots walkin’ to my room. I pulled the covers over my eyes and pretended I was sleeping. But he just turned on the lights.

“We gotta go the hospital,” daddy said. “Your brother’s…hurt.”

“What happened?”

“Just get dressed.”

“But I wanna know.”

“I’ll be in the car…Hurry.”

I bet DeRon fell and hit his head again. One time he was playin’ ball and he slipped and fell on his head. He got stitches. I got stitches on my foot. I cut it on broken glass in the street. I got a sucker and a sticker from the doctor. I wonder if DeRon got a sucker.

“Devin! Git your butt out here!”

I pulled my jeans on so fast my knees burned. I put my Lakers t-shirt on, got my Dunks from under the bed and ran to the car.

Daddy drove fast. He always told DeRon to drive slow and stop at every red light. He said never give the police a reason to stop you. You never know what might happen.

We passed the park where DeRon played ball. Nobody was there. DeRon used to go ev’ry day and shoot. He was gonna play guard for the Lakers. Then he got cut because his grades were bad…He was gonna pay for me to go to Stanford. He told me I’d be the first man on Mars.

“Know what daddy?”

“Huh.”

“Stars are bigger than our house, the city and the whole world!...But they’re super far away. That’s why they look so small.”

At the hospital people were running like the police were chasing them. A black man in blue ran by with his fists clenched. A white lady in green was shouting like daddy does when DeRon comes home late. Somebody that looked like DeRon was riding on a bed pushed by a man in white. The boy was red.

“Daddy, what happened to that boy?”

“He got shot.”

“Why?”

He didn’t tell me. “I’m Darryl Stills. You have my son.” He told somebody behind a high, white counter. I reached to the top and tried to climb up. My feet slipped on the sides. It was like glass.

“Son don’t do that,” said a man in white. “You’ll get it dirty.”

I looked up, but he didn’t look at me. He talked to somebody over the counter. I looked down at his shoes. They were black. They were shiny like the bathroom mirror. I looked but couldn’t see myself.

Then I heard loud breathing. I looked at daddy because it sounded like him when Cheryl comes over. But daddy was still waiting at the counter. I turned and saw an old man on a bed. He was pushin’ on his stomach. It looked like he was tryin’ to hold somethin’ in. His hands were gray and cracked like the sidewalk. Just like daddy’s get from layin’ brick. But then daddy takes a shower and gray comes off. Maybe he should wash his hands. Maybe he was going to get a shot. He was shaking like he was afraid.

The old man lifted his head, looked at me and opened his mouth. His front teeth were gone, and I could see his gums. They were brown like he ate some dirt. His lips drooped like an empty bicycle tube.

“Yes sir?” I waited for him to tell me somethin’.

He coughed like somebody punched him in the stomach. His eyes shut and his face squeezed like he was going to cry.

“Excuse me son. We need to take this man away,” said the man with the shiny black shoes. He pushed the bed and the old man’s head fell back. The old man’s hand hung over the side of the bed as they went down the hall. It was swinging like a net on a windy day.

“Let’s go Devin.” Daddy grabbed my arm and pulled me through the green and blue shirts. We passed the boy in red. We followed a man in a white coat. He was wearing Dunks like me and DeRon. DeRon says they make him quick.

“Daddy, are we goin’ to see DeRon?”

“Yes.”

“Where is he?”

“Hush.”

Maybe I can talk when we get to DeRon’s room. Then I’ll tell him Lebron scored thirty tonight. I wonder if he saw the game.

“Devin, stay here.”

“But da…”

“Stay here.” Daddy pushed my shoulders against the wall. He went into a bright room with the man in white. I wished I could see DeRon. I hoped we could play ball tomorrow.

I thought I heard daddy laughing. It was real gentle, like when he plays the Temptations and we dance like they do. I wanted to see what was so funny. I snuck to the doorway and peeked around the corner.

Daddy was standing next to DeRon. The man in white was holding a white blanket up over DeRon’s face. DeRon’s feet were stickin’ out. He has price tag on his toe.

“DeRon! How much do you cost?”

Daddy shot around. “Devin!” His face was shiny. He ran to me and squeezed me like the time somebody shot our front door. He carried me away from DeRon’s room with his face on my neck.

“Why can’t I talk to DeRon?”

The man in white walked into the hallway. He looked sad. I bet he made daddy cry.

Daddy didn’t say nothin’ on the way home. He just looked straight ahead with his hands on top of the steering wheel. I just sat and looked. We drove past the houses with no windows where daddy say never to go. We passed by the Safeway where momma used to work, before she left. On the corner of our street, some of DeRon’s friends were chillin’. One of them raised his fist in the air and nodded to me. On the sidewalk, the broken glass looked like stars.

When we got home, Daddy walked in and fell into a chair at the kitchen table. He stared out the window.

“Daddy…Da…”

“He’s gone Devin…DeRon’s dead. Some bastards killed him!” Daddy didn’t look at me. He just stood and his chair fell and hit the floor. “Ah son…” He looked at the floor and walked to his room, scraping his feet on the carpet.

DeRon?...Naaw…He just told me this morning that Lebron is better than Kawhi. And he was wearing his 23 jersey today. He said nobody could touch him with it on…Naaaaw…

“Daddy!” I ran to his room and pushed the door open. “Naaw daddy, tell me the truth. When’s DeRon coming back?”

Daddy was sitting on the edge of his bed. He was staring at the floor and his hands were on the top of his smooth head. His big shoulders were shaking. When he looked up his face was crinkled and puffy like he just woke up.

“He’s not Devin…He’s not.”

I felt like I was knocked down. Just like the time I told DeRon to drive the lane on me. I couldn’t breathe and I felt dizzy. I started shivering even though I wasn’t cold.

Daddy pulled me to him. He whispered, “Stay with me boy…Stay with me.”

When I stopped shaking, he sniffed and pushed me back with his hands on my arms. His eyes were red and yellow around the brown. He had a deep wrinkle between his eyes. I thought about the dark space between a door and the floor.

“Listen to me.” Daddy looked at me hard. “When I tell you to come home straight from school, do it. When I tell you to do your homework. Do it. When I tell you to leave them gangbangers alone with all they shit and killin’. Do it! You understand me Devin!”

“Yes daddy.”

He stared at me like like he never seen me before, “Can’t bear no more losin’.”

Daddy held me for a while, real still. I put my head on his shoulder. When he got up to call Cheryl, I went to my room and picked up DeRon’s ball. It was smooth and soft. I remember it was rough and hard like the sidewalk when he bought it.

“Yo Devin! Whatcha think about this?” DeRon walked through the front door palming a new ball in his right hand.

“Wow! You got it!” I forgot about Danger Mouse and ran to check it out.

He was still in his purple Newburn High practice jersey, but he’d put the stud back in his left ear. He tossed his yellow Lakers cap on the couch and spun the ball on his middle finger. It looked as dark as his hands. He stopped the ball and held it for me to see.

“Check it out. Spalding. Real Leather. Official ball of the NBA.” He emphasized NBA.

“Lemme hold it DeRon.”

I took the dark orange ball and rubbed it. It tickled a little. It smelled as strong and sweet and grandma’s pecan pie. It threw it in the air like a balloon and DeRon caught it.

“Try to guard me,” he said as he bent over and started to dribble. “Remember, hands up and keep your feet moving.”

I tried to do what he said, but my hand only reached his chest. He turned, bumped me in the face with his butt, spun and shot. The ball hit the ceiling, fell on top of the tv and bounced into the kitchen.

“DeRon! What you doin’ boy?” Daddy walked into the living room holding the ball.

“Just showin’ Devin…”

“You can show off after dinner son.” Daddy looked down at the ball and squeezed it between his hands. “How many cars did you wash for this?”

“Five.”

“You sure you want to spend your cash this way?” Daddy wrinkled his forehead.

“Shi…” DeRon started.

“DeRon.” Daddy hated cursing.

“In a few years I have enough to buy a hundred balls and a new house for you.” DeRon was sure.

“Just do your homework in the meantime,” daddy said as he tossed the ball to DeRon and went back into the kitchen.

“C’mon little man, hop on my back.” DeRon got on his knees. I grabbed the 23 on his back and climbed to his shoulders.

THE END